Lately, it has come to my attention that, in this country, we love to offer a reward to people for doing something they have to do anyway. I never noticed it, or at least didn't equate it with a reward purse, until this morning as I dressed to go to the radiologist for an ultrasound. I didn't want to go, but then again, I never want to go anywhere. But I had to, and I remembered they always have a nice bowl of candy sitting near the checkout desk. Without being aware of the reward system, I automatically thought of the test, then the bowl of candy. Coincidence? I think not.
I began to think of all the places I'd seen a bowl of candy. My doctor has one, and the veterinarian does, too. His is the best – miniature Kit Kat bars, Snickers, and Milky Ways, and dogs are not supposed to have chocolate, so who do you think those are for? The candy softens the blow when they tell you how much you owe. The only place I haven't seen candy is the dentist's office. He offers miniature toothbrushes in his rest room. If I needed chocolate anywhere, it would be when I have to see the dentist.
This train of thought, the reward for doing things I don't like doing train, led me to recall all the things I don't like doing. I hate going to the post office. Not that it's that terrible, and it didn't bother me years ago, but now I'm old and can't stand that long. Okay, I'm out of shape and you have no sympathy, but it's the truth. I lean on that wooden thing they installed so you could rest your packages on it and think of ways I can push my way to the front. It's filled with old people who don't use the Internet to print postage, so it would be easy to knock them over. But that would be considered an assault, and the beds in jail are hard – too hard for my back. The post office doesn't offer bowls of candy, another reason to hate them, for it they did, I would have something to occupy my time while I wait. The least they could do is beam a red dot on the wall for me to follow, but no, they just expect me to wait there patiently.
Buying gas is another thing I hate doing. I usually get someone else to do it for me, but today I had to do it myself. It does offer rewards, but you have to pay for them. I always go inside to pay because the dregs of society have made everything that is good evil by putting fake credit card number retrieving devices on gas pumps. As I pass the freezer, the Dove bars beckon, and I take one without thinking or realizing I am using it to make the necessary errand tolerable. It is my reward, but I had never seen it that way until today. The revelation is mind boggling. All I have to do to make all these awful things I have to do tolerable is eat a Dove Bar!
|Everyone deserves a kiss!|
The first time I gave birth, I had no idea what to expect, except pain, but I was philosophical about it. Until it happened. Then I threw up on my husband. But that's another story. After I gave birth to my son, Andrew, I enlisted one of my minions to bring me a bag of Hershey Kisses, which I consumed over the next four days. Yes, I got to stay in the hospital for four days. There was nothing wrong with me, it's just the way it was in the good old days. Now I see that it was my reward for going through nine months of pregnancy and the pain of childbirth. With my second, I ate in anticipation, rewarding myself in advance. When Tom was born, it was pretty awful, and I needed a bigger bag of kisses. I didn't do childbirth well.
Judging from my current size, there must be a hell of a lot of things I hate to do. I didn't always hate doing them, but I do know. I just hadn't realized how much. The Internet has been a boon to me as now I do most of my shopping online. I never did like to shop, so this really has eliminated a dreaded chore and one reason to reward myself. But I still have to go to the doctor, dentist, vet, etc. I can't phone in a visit. Don't tell me to take a bath, or go to a movie, or find some other way to reward myself because I've tried and nothing else works so well and costs so little. It's immediate, and I don't have to get naked to earn it. Well, not unless I'm having a mammogram, and then it's only the upper half. They offer rewards when you have a mammogram, too. Usually nice cookies and coffee. Or tea. I'm having one in a couple of months, so it's on my mind. Will I take a chocolate chip or a sugar cookie?
Now that I know about the reward system, and as that revelation simmers in my mind, I might be able to pass that candy bowl right on by. Or not. I won't know until my next doctor visit, after he tells me to watch my sugar.